Keeping my Word, or, The Light at the End of the Shovel

Early yesterday, I participated in one of the virtual monthly yoga classes which I’ve been doing for 3 years now. In this episode, the conference leader discussed the goal of achieving the balance between fulfillment of Iham – Worldly needs, and Param – Spiritual needs. The accomplishment of that involves becoming aware of the obstacles that interfere, and typically, this involves consciously addressing the effects of Karma and Dosha, and understanding the difference between the two.

Karma, it was explained, is when we accrue suffering for wrong actions performed consciously or willfully, such as pre-meditated theft, harm to another, or killing an animal, person, or other conscious life form. Today I was in a mall. Some jerk-nut teenagers were teasing a store clerk. Shortly afterward, a mall patron yelled to the kids in the hall “Hey you! Do you realize you made that woman cry back there?” We can dismiss this as normal teenage antics, but undoubtedly the teen’s conscious actions created suffering for another person.

Dosha, on the other hand, is the suffering that results from an unconscious, unplanned, or accidental violation of natural law, such as hitting a deer that leaps in front of your car from the brush along the road. Perhaps you drop a box of thumb tacks in a parking lot and left it there,  causing a driver to later get a flat tire at a time when they couldn’t afford to have it fixed. Either instance brings into play the law of cause and effect. In the instance of Dosha, we may not even be aware of the effects generating the root of our suffering.

To this end, after the discussion, we were asked to close our eyes, and ask “our Divine” for inner guidance. The Divine is relative to each participant. For a Hindu, it might be Krishna or Rama. For a Christian, the Divine could be Jesus or Mary. For a Muslim – Allah, etc.

This contemplative process involved two parts:

• the first was to ask our Divine to reveal the cause of a particular suffering. For example, the question posed might be – “Why do I have perpetual difficulty in my relationships?” or “What is preventing me from becoming successful?”
• After “listening” to the intuitive response, the second part was to then ask the Divine what action must be taken to correct the effects of of this particular Karma or Dosha.

A great example of this came to mind at the time. In the film “Gandhi” with Ben Kingsley, there is a scene where a distraught Hindu man comes to Gandhi and confesses that he killed a Muslim child during the riots that had taken place. The man asked the Mahatma “What should I do?” Gandhi replies that when he marries and has a child of his own, he should raise it as a Muslim.

The concept behind this scene is consistent with the traditional teachings of Dharma. By raising the child as a Muslim, the Hindu man would correct the balance of the accrued adverse Karma. This would bring about the forgiveness he sought, and lighten the suffering he experienced.

So, I asked my chosen Divine why a certain circumstance in my life surrounding money has been such a recurring situation in recent years. Almost immediately, a memory of an instance from years ago came out of nowhere to the forefront of my mind.

About five or six years ago, I had hired a landscaper to do some work on my property. I was doing it as a surprise for my wife, who was battling breast cancer at the time. The landscaper and I had agreed on a price and what would be included.

The work was planned for a day when my wife was scheduled to be in the hospital for a chemo treatment. The idea was that when she came home, she would be welcomed by a beautiful new garden to cheer her spirits and offer some comfort during those trying times. I just wanted to do something to ease her suffering.

Everything was going well on the day the work was being done, until my wife returned home earlier than usual. Her treatment time had been cut short due to the good progress she had been making. Nonetheless, the treatments were emotionally trying and draining for her. Instead of experiencing joy when she arrived home, the sight of the landscaping crew and large trucks and backhoes caused added anxiety and proved to be stressful. Upset in the moment, my wife went to task and took over direction of the project.

She was exhausted at the time and in great pain, so the situation evolved into one that wasn’t all that pleasant. She redirected the placement of certain plants, had a tree removed and placed on the opposite end of the property. All this I had hoped to avoid because of her condition.

When it came time to pay the balance for the services rendered, my wife complained about the amount and proceeded to renegotiate the agreed price with the landscaper, which left the landscaper less $400 from an already discounted price. My wife did not know the landscaper had given me a reduced price out of sympathy and support for my motivating reasons to have the work done.

As the frustrated landscaper was finishing up and putting his tools in the truck, I said to him: “I promise you that when I get some extra money, I will pay you that $400.” I was certain that $400 made the difference in paying his crews wages for the day, or paying his child’s school tuition, or providing family meals. I’ve never forgotten that promise I made. In the years since, it was seldom that I had that kind of extra money to give to the guy, and each year dropped away. The landscaper never contacted me again, never had sent a bill for unpaid dues, never filed a small claims suit. Nothing. As the years passed, I’m sure it was just written off. But not by me.

Several weeks ago, I received a call from an old client from years ago, who asked if I could help him move and store the art collection I had curated in his home while a crew did some home renovations. I said sure, and we set a date for this past Monday.

A friend came along to help, and we took his art off the walls, packed it up and moved it to a secure location away from the dust and debris generated by renovation work. As I was about to leave, my old client asked “So, how much do I owe you for this service?” I said he didn’t owe me anything, that I was just happy to help him out as a friend, and to give me a call when the workers were done and I would reinstall it.

My client was insistent, and after my several refusals for compensation, he shoved some money into the pockets of my friend and I while our hands were full with tools and packing materials. As a rule I don’t accept tips but noting his insistence, I gratefully thanked him, and went on my way.

After I returned home from my art client’s visit, I took out the money he had shoved in my pocket. To my surprise, it totaled $300. I was stunned and grateful. On Monday night and Tuesday, I contemplated what I could use that money for. I thought of the new clothes I could use, or maybe splurge on a higher shelf bottle of good wine that I normally ignore, and share with my wife. I thought of a bill that needed paying. It was an unexpected, small windfall that I could have used for many things. In the end, I decided to put the money into my savings account as my top priority at this time is to get a new car. My previous car died two weeks ago, and, too costly to repair, it had been towed for salvage.

That was Monday. It was that Wednesday when I had taken the day off and played the recording of the yoga class I had missed during its live broadcast from India on Sunday morning. When I did the Karma and Dosha contemplation, what came up was the recollection of the promise I had made to that landscaper. I was surprised that this was the issue that came up for me. I recall asking “Is that it? Is that really the issue causing this problem?” I then imagined the hardship or inconvenience it may have caused him 5 or six years ago, and how my action of unintentionally shorting him that $400 may have had an unknown ripple effect. Perhaps he had to lay off a worker, or not purchase something needed for his child, or pay a bill, etc.

Prior to that moment, I hadn’t thought about that promise for at least a year since it last came to mind, and even then, I had just watched the recollection come and go as I didn’t have the money to pay him anyway. So, naturally, when I asked the divine what was needed to correct the effects of my Karma/Dosha, what came to mind was “Find him, pay him, and ask his forgiveness.”

It was crystal clear. Of course! I needed to use the “found money” from my client to keep my word to the landscaper. Although 5 or 6 years had passed and he had surely forgotten about it, I hadn’t. The matter had indeed been the cause of some mild, internal suffering these past years. I had to right my wrong. I decided on the spot that I would complete this incomplete today.

So, immediately following my hour-long class, I looked up the landscaper on the internet and found his address. I then went to the bank to withdraw the balance from my savings account, put the $400 in a bank envelope, and entered his address into my GPS. I found his home and knocked on the door. After his dog announced my arrival with incessant barking, the landscaper I had last seen 5 or 6 years before came to the door.

As he cautiously stepped out and onto his porch, I greeted him first by name. I then said, “I don’t know if you remember me. Around 5 or 6 years ago, I contracted you to do some work on my home when my wife had breast cancer.” That detail rang a bell with him, and he confirmed his recollection by stating the name of my neighborhood. I confirmed that he was correct. I then said:

“Well, you may not remember this, but when you were about to leave, I promised you that one day when I had some extra money, I would pay you that $400 on which we had originally agreed. I know it’s been a few years, but I happen to have come into a little extra money and I would like to give that to you now.”

The man was shocked. At first, he refused to accept the money, insisting that my action wasn’t necessary. I insisted that he did take it. “Please. Use it to get something for your children, or do something nice for you and your wife. I made you a promise and it’s just my thing, It’s important that I keep my word.” The man was dumbfounded, and there was a brief silence between us. I broke the ice by injecting a humorous but sincere remark. “Besides…You’re Irish, I’m Irish, so there’s that added code of honor between us.”

The man smiled at my familiar reference. Understanding me, he accepted the envelope. He graciously asked how my wife was faring. I told him she had recovered from the breast cancer well and is doing fantastic. He then inquired about my children. After I updated him about my sole daughter, he chatted proudly about his own children’s accomplishments in the intervening years.

It had evolved into a pleasant exchange, and several times during our conversation the landscaper would look at the envelope with the money now in his hands and just utter “Wow!” with incredulity and gratitude. He said “Well, thank you, and don’t be surprised if you come home some day and find some complimentary Mums planted in your garden.” I said “That’s not necessary. All I ask is that you please forgive us and forgive me for any hardship the lack of this money may have caused you at that time.” We then bid farewell and he thanked me again, reiterating another “Wow” as he went into his home.

It felt good in the moment to have kept my word and fulfill a promise, despite the passing of time. Many might say that it was foolish to do what I did, that the man had probably forgotten the incident and he had certainly forgotten me. But, the reality is, it was the right thing to do. It was the dharmic thing to do. It was the just thing to do.

For me, spiritually, it balanced a created Karmic debt, and corrected an imbalanced Dosha. Such a small act serves in the ongoing quest for spiritual liberation. Righting our wrongs is among the most vital actions we can perform in achieving fulfillment of our personal spiritual journeys. What might result from my actions with the landscaper is yet to be seen, but I didn’t do it for that reason. Just righting an unintentional wrong was enough. It goes hand in hand with the fundamental Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them to unto you.

A day later, my experience after this is noting how much lighter I feel, as if a weight was lifted from my back. Perhaps this is all there is to “enlightenment.” Perhaps enlightenment is achieved simply by lightening your load of suffering, one conscious, balancing action at a time. We all have preconceived notions, concepts, and images of what enlightenment could look like. And maybe that’s why it remains so evasive. Maybe enlightenment is simply the act of lightening the weight of suffering through simple, conscious gestures of making something right. Of making something light.

The subtitle of this blog is “Enlightenment wasn’t built in a day.” This post illustrates what that means. It’s the small, balancing actions we can do each day to correct the Karmas and Doshas that seem to make a difference. Maybe enlightenment is closer, more practical and attainable than we think. Random acts of kindness define our humanity. Something as simple as buying a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you at the check-out counter, or allowing another motorist to pull ahead of you in heavy traffic can be the most liberating action of the day.

It can be surprising how good – and enlightened – it makes you feel.