Enlightenment wasn't built in a day. Stuff happens.

Category: The 8 Year Journey (Page 1 of 4)

Keeping my Word, or, The Light at the End of the Shovel

Early yesterday, I participated in one of the virtual monthly yoga classes which I’ve been doing for 3 years now. In this episode, the conference leader discussed the goal of achieving the balance between fulfillment of Iham – Worldly needs, and Param – Spiritual needs. The accomplishment of that involves becoming aware of the obstacles that interfere, and typically, this involves consciously addressing the effects of Karma and Dosha, and understanding the difference between the two.

Karma, it was explained, is when we accrue suffering for wrong actions performed consciously or willfully, such as pre-meditated theft, harm to another, or killing an animal, person, or other conscious life form. Today I was in a mall. Some jerk-nut teenagers were teasing a store clerk. Shortly afterward, a mall patron yelled to the kids in the hall “Hey you! Do you realize you made that woman cry back there?” We can dismiss this as normal teenage antics, but undoubtedly the teen’s conscious actions created suffering for another person.

Dosha, on the other hand, is the suffering that results from an unconscious, unplanned, or accidental violation of natural law, such as hitting a deer that leaps in front of your car from the brush along the road. Perhaps you drop a box of thumb tacks in a parking lot and left it there,  causing a driver to later get a flat tire at a time when they couldn’t afford to have it fixed. Either instance brings into play the law of cause and effect. In the instance of Dosha, we may not even be aware of the effects generating the root of our suffering.

To this end, after the discussion, we were asked to close our eyes, and ask “our Divine” for inner guidance. The Divine is relative to each participant. For a Hindu, it might be Krishna or Rama. For a Christian, the Divine could be Jesus or Mary. For a Muslim – Allah, etc.

This contemplative process involved two parts:

  • the first was to ask our Divine to reveal the cause of a particular suffering. For example, the question posed might be – “Why do I have perpetual difficulty in my relationships?” or “What is preventing me from becoming successful?”
  • After “listening” to the intuitive response, the second part was to then ask the Divine what action must be taken to correct the effects of of this particular Karma or Dosha.

A great example of this came to mind at the time. In the film “Gandhi” with Ben Kingsley, there is a scene where a distraught Hindu man comes to Gandhi and confesses that he killed a Muslim child during the riots that had taken place. The man asked the Mahatma “What should I do?” Gandhi replies that when he marries and has a child of his own, he should raise it as a Muslim.

The concept behind this scene is consistent with the traditional teachings of Dharma. By raising the child as a Muslim, the Hindu man would correct the balance of the accrued adverse Karma. This would bring about the forgiveness he sought, and lighten the suffering he experienced.

So, I asked my chosen Divine why a certain circumstance in my life surrounding money has been such a recurring situation in recent years. Almost immediately, a memory of an instance from years ago came out of nowhere to the forefront of my mind.

About five or six years ago, I had hired a landscaper to do some work on my property. I was doing it as a surprise for my wife, who was battling breast cancer at the time. The landscaper and I had agreed on a price and what would be included.

The work was planned for a day when my wife was scheduled to be in the hospital for a chemo treatment. The idea was that when she came home, she would be welcomed by a beautiful new garden to cheer her spirits and offer some comfort during those trying times. I just wanted to do something to ease her suffering.

Everything was going well on the day the work was being done, until my wife returned home earlier than usual. Her treatment time had been cut short due to the good progress she had been making. Nonetheless, the treatments were emotionally trying and draining for her. Instead of experiencing joy when she arrived home, the sight of the landscaping crew and large trucks and backhoes caused added anxiety and proved to be stressful. Upset in the moment, my wife went to task and took over direction of the project.

She was exhausted at the time and in great pain, so the situation evolved into one that wasn’t all that pleasant. She redirected the placement of certain plants, had a tree removed and placed on the opposite end of the property. All this I had hoped to avoid because of her condition.

When it came time to pay the balance for the services rendered, my wife complained about the amount and proceeded to renegotiate the agreed price with the landscaper, which left the landscaper less $400 from an already discounted price. My wife did not know the landscaper had given me a reduced price out of sympathy and support for my motivating reasons to have the work done.

As the frustrated landscaper was finishing up and putting his tools in the truck, I said to him: “I promise you that when I get some extra money, I will pay you that $400.” I was certain that $400 made the difference in paying his crews wages for the day, or paying his child’s school tuition, or providing family meals. I’ve never forgotten that promise I made. In the years since, it was seldom that I had that kind of extra money to give to the guy, and each year dropped away. The landscaper never contacted me again, never had sent a bill for unpaid dues, never filed a small claims suit. Nothing. As the years passed, I’m sure it was just written off. But not by me.

Several weeks ago, I received a call from an old client from years ago, who asked if I could help him move and store the art collection I had curated in his home while a crew did some home renovations. I said sure, and we set a date for this past Monday.

A friend came along to help, and we took his art off the walls, packed it up and moved it to a secure location away from the dust and debris generated by renovation work. As I was about to leave, my old client asked “So, how much do I owe you for this service?” I said he didn’t owe me anything, that I was just happy to help him out as a friend, and to give me a call when the workers were done and I would reinstall it.

My client was insistent, and after my several refusals for compensation, he shoved some money into the pockets of my friend and I while our hands were full with tools and packing materials. As a rule I don’t accept tips but noting his insistence, I gratefully thanked him, and went on my way.

After I returned home from my art client’s visit, I took out the money he had shoved in my pocket. To my surprise, it totaled $300. I was stunned and grateful. On Monday night and Tuesday, I contemplated what I could use that money for. I thought of the new clothes I could use, or maybe splurge on a higher shelf bottle of good wine that I normally ignore, and share with my wife. I thought of a bill that needed paying. It was an unexpected, small windfall that I could have used for many things. In the end, I decided to put the money into my savings account as my top priority at this time is to get a new car. My previous car died two weeks ago, and, too costly to repair, it had been towed for salvage.

That was Monday. It was that Wednesday when I had taken the day off and played the recording of the yoga class I had missed during its live broadcast from India on Sunday morning. When I did the Karma and Dosha contemplation, what came up was the recollection of the promise I had made to that landscaper. I was surprised that this was the issue that came up for me. I recall asking “Is that it? Is that really the issue causing this problem?” I then imagined the hardship or inconvenience it may have caused him 5 or six years ago, and how my action of unintentionally shorting him that $400 may have had an unknown ripple effect. Perhaps he had to lay off a worker, or not purchase something needed for his child, or pay a bill, etc.

Prior to that moment, I hadn’t thought about that promise for at least a year since it last came to mind, and even then, I had just watched the recollection come and go as I didn’t have the money to pay him anyway. So, naturally, when I asked the divine what was needed to correct the effects of my Karma/Dosha, what came to mind was “Find him, pay him, and ask his forgiveness.”

It was crystal clear. Of course! I needed to use the “found money” from my client to keep my word to the landscaper. Although 5 or 6 years had passed and he had surely forgotten about it, I hadn’t. The matter had indeed been the cause of some mild, internal suffering these past years. I had to right my wrong. I decided on the spot that I would complete this incomplete today.

So, immediately following my hour-long class, I looked up the landscaper on the internet and found his address. I then went to the bank to withdraw the balance from my savings account, put the $400 in a bank envelope, and entered his address into my GPS. I found his home and knocked on the door. After his dog announced my arrival with incessant barking, the landscaper I had last seen 5 or 6 years before came to the door.

As he cautiously stepped out and onto his porch, I greeted him first by name. I then said, “I don’t know if you remember me. Around 5 or 6 years ago, I contracted you to do some work on my home when my wife had breast cancer.” That detail rang a bell with him, and he confirmed his recollection by stating the name of my neighborhood. I confirmed that he was correct. I then said:

“Well, you may not remember this, but when you were about to leave, I promised you that one day when I had some extra money, I would pay you that $400 on which we had originally agreed. I know it’s been a few years, but I happen to have come into a little extra money and I would like to give that to you now.”

The man was shocked. At first, he refused to accept the money, insisting that my action wasn’t necessary. I insisted that he did take it. “Please. Use it to get something for your children, or do something nice for you and your wife. I made you a promise and it’s just my thing, It’s important that I keep my word.” The man was dumbfounded, and there was a brief silence between us. I broke the ice by injecting a humorous but sincere remark. “Besides…You’re Irish, I’m Irish, so there’s that added code of honor between us.”

The man smiled at my familiar reference. Understanding me, he accepted the envelope. He graciously asked how my wife was faring. I told him she had recovered from the breast cancer well and is doing fantastic. He then inquired about my children. After I updated him about my sole daughter, he chatted proudly about his own children’s accomplishments in the intervening years.

It had evolved into a pleasant exchange, and several times during our conversation the landscaper would look at the envelope with the money now in his hands and just utter “Wow!” with incredulity and gratitude. He said “Well, thank you, and don’t be surprised if you come home some day and find some complimentary Mums planted in your garden.” I said “That’s not necessary. All I ask is that you please forgive us and forgive me for any hardship the lack of this money may have caused you at that time.” We then bid farewell and he thanked me again, reiterating another “Wow” as he went into his home.

It felt good in the moment to have kept my word and fulfill a promise, despite the passing of time. Many might say that it was foolish to do what I did, that the man had probably forgotten the incident and he had certainly forgotten me. But, the reality is, it was the right thing to do. It was the dharmic thing to do. It was the just thing to do.

For me, spiritually, it balanced a created Karmic debt, and corrected an imbalanced Dosha. Such a small act serves in the ongoing quest for spiritual liberation. Righting our wrongs is among the most vital actions we can perform in achieving fulfillment of our personal spiritual journeys. What might result from my actions with the landscaper is yet to be seen, but I didn’t do it for that reason. Just righting an unintentional wrong was enough. It goes hand in hand with the fundamental Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them to unto you.

A day later, my experience after this is noting how much lighter I feel, as if a weight was lifted from my back. Perhaps this is all there is to “enlightenment.” Perhaps enlightenment is achieved simply by lightening your load of suffering, one conscious, balancing action at a time. We all have preconceived notions, concepts, and images of what enlightenment could look like. And maybe that’s why it remains so evasive. Maybe enlightenment is simply the act of lightening the weight of suffering through simple, conscious gestures of making something right. Of making something light.

The subtitle of this blog is “Enlightenment wasn’t built in a day.” This post illustrates what that means. It’s the small, balancing actions we can do each day to correct the Karmas and Doshas that seem to make a difference. Maybe enlightenment is closer, more practical and attainable than we think. Random acts of kindness define our humanity. Something as simple as buying a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you at the check-out counter, or allowing another motorist to pull ahead of you in heavy traffic can be the most liberating action of the day.

It can be surprising how good – and enlightened – it makes you feel.

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Shiva brushes his teeth

Friday April 5, 2019 8:08 am

A lot of cool and curious things have been happening in my daily sadhana practice. I’ve wanted to sit and write them down, but the other requirements of my daily existence have taken precedence. 

Today’s meditation happened somewhat spontaneously and unplanned. I went to bed late last night after spending a considerable amount of time doing some final reediting to my manuscript about Mark Twain, et al. I’ve decided to Self-publish the work after almost a year of knocking on the doors of agents and publishers, and having read a very good article on Scribe yesterday about the current state of the book publishing industry which weighed the pros and cons of traditional versus self publishing. The author, a publishing industry veteran with an inside perspective, had explained how much the publishing industry had changed and how challenging it is for authors in my stage of the game to get their foot in the door. He went on to say how the current climate, with so many options, is practically a plug in to go with self publishing as the best option. There are some associated caveats, but I have a few tricks up my sleeves with regard to those areas. I hope to have the book release in short duration.

So, this morning, I got up at 5:00 am, as has become the routine lately (more on that below), but instead decided to go back to bed. I planned on staying in my warm, comfortable bed a little later than usual when my wife summoned me at 7:00 am to move my car out of the driveway so she could get to work. No problem. I dressed, did my deed, and instead of returning to horizontal dreamland I made a cup of Chai, wrapped a blanket across me from neck to ankle, and settled into our living room rocker where I often practice my shorter meditations. 

Within a short time, the cozy warmth my body enjoyed was replicated on the interior of my being. I became mildly enraptured by the soothing waves of shakti coursing casually through my brain and nervous system. Sensations in my brain have been like this since beginning a new sadhana technique I learned less than a week ago. Today it felt like I was getting a nice, gentle massage in a bath of warm water on the interior of my cranium and around the surface of my brain. Accompanying this was a rapturous state of inner satisfaction. Since yesterday, the thought arose “So, this is what the experience of oneness with Shiva is like.”

I say that because I have been reading texts associated with the Kashmir Shaivism tradition. One book, mentioned before, is Secret of the Siddhas by Swami Muktananda, which is largely Baba’s (Muktananda’s) commentaries on the Shiva Sutras, the ancient root of that philosophical school. The other is Jaideva Singh’s translation and new commentary on 10thcentury commentaries about the Shiva Sutras encapsulated in the work known as Spanda Karikas. So, in this context, Shiva means the experience of conscious consciousness – the awareness of being aware that you are aware and that you are one with that experience of awareness. You are that awareness, ergo, you are Shiva. 

For some time now, well over a month, I have found my body waking consistently at 5:00 am or so. Almost every time this has happened, it was always 5:10 on my alarm clock. Now, I could easily lie in bed as I have for the past 30-40 years and meditate later, but these days, each morning at promptly 5:00 am-ish, I also experience an urgent need to urinate. After so complying with my body’s wish, I typically have returned to my room to sit upright and meditate for about an hour before proceeding with the needs of the day. 

Each meditation in the last week, since learning this new, advanced technique on Sunday, has been similar as my description above. The process seems to massage the lobes of the brain and stimulate neural pathways. On the first day I practiced the technique, during meditation afterward my brain felt like it was on fire, as if it were gently being simmered in the crockpot of my cranium. I could feel the interior lining of my skull, while each cell and fiber of my brain pulsated. It felt almost crystalline, as if my brain were made of glass, but composed of molecules that were simultaneously independent in their group cohesiveness. It felt like my brain was a shimmering, endlessly faceted jewel, and was alive with shimmering Chitshakti.[i]It was as if my consciousness had discovered the secret access to an ancient cave, its walls lined with the purest gold and diamonds. 

On the second day, during meditation, this continued but to a lesser degree, and instead shifted to awareness of a deepened experience of being. That Shivaness thing again. I also got the impression that something in the interior of my brain was being purified, and subsequently my body developed mild cold or flu like symptoms. My mind, in the meantime, naturally tried to do its thing to create fear or concern. My mind started throwing thoughts about having encephaliitis or some other disease. But intuitively, I knew this thought to be a falsehood and just let it wither. 

On the third day, yesterday, I got a bit busy in the morning, so I wasn’t able to make time to meditate until an hour before I had to be in work. So, I decided to squeeze in 20 or so minutes to do the 7 minute technique and meditate for the rest. I’m glad I did. As I sat in the rocker in my living room, during the 7 minute practice I again felt the stimulation in the lobes of my brain. Again I felt the sensation of shimmering, like sunlight reflected on a calmly rippling lake. As I went deeper into meditation, a soft sense of bliss enveloped me, and within short duration, I experienced my body dissolve into consciousness and vanish. Now, I didn’t actually physically disappear, but internally, my experience was that the external shell of my body just merged into the entirety of the physical universe. I experienced myself as pure consciousness. I was the universe. 

As I observed myself experiencing this, I saw that I was observing myself observing. The observer and observed were one. This, I recognized, was akin to the description of the state of Shiva defined in the Shiva Sutras and what I had just been reading in Muktananda’s commentaries. My whole being smiled with gratitude. A thought arose, inquiring from where or why this was arising, and I saw a very subtle image of the contour of the transparent head and shoulders of the Siddha master Bhagavan Nityananda composed of shimmering sparkles of pure gold. I saw that this was the gift of that great being, who is sort of the grandfather – the Bade Baba – of the Siddha lineage I had enjoined through my study with, and receipt of Shaktpat Diksha from, Swami Muktananda. I inwardly pranamed softly, with recognition and gratitude. 

This observer then opened its eyes to observe the time on my cell phone. 14 minutes had passed since I completed the 7-minute sadhana. This was perfect timing as now I had to end the session and get ready for work, with ample time to drive and arrive at my scheduled time. After Shiva brushed his teeth, groomed and dressed, I got in my car and noticed myself navigating the highways with complete serenity and stillness, witnessing everything with an evenness and choreographed perfection. 

The cranium massage experience, I had noticed through the week, was also occurring from almost the minute I switched off my mind’s focus on work details as I closed my shop and proceeded to my car in the parking lot, as well as throughout my commute, and after settling in at home. Most of these nights, I would fill a glass with purified water, then retire and sit in my bed to read a few passages from Secret of the Siddhas or Spanda Karikas. I randomly opened this latter book, to find the English translation of this passage: 

“When the yogi realizes the spanda* principle, then he knows that this is his essential Self, and not the empirical, psychosomatic creature whom he had so long considered to be his Self. He has now broken his shackles and is truly free.”[ii]

Pretty cool, huh? I love when that happens. Moreover, though I had randomly opened to that page, I noticed that I had circled that particular verse, accented with arrows for emphasis, at some point when I first read the book around 1986. Here’s a photo.

Though the book was published in 1980, I gathered that I must have last read this during my 1986 stay in the ashram, then with Baba’s successor, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. My clue: I had used a small photo of her as a bookmark I found elsewhere in the book. 

After this, I then meditated some more before lying down to contemplate myself to sleep. 

The adventure continues. Stay tuned…

Tom

*The above referenced Spanda principle is described in Spanda Karikas as follows: 

“A Yogi who closely observes his own (inmost) nature which is the Spanda principle recognized by means of the reasoning (already) mentioned, apprehends knowledge and activity as the presiding principle (meaning the principle that is the permanent Experient of all experiences [aka Shiva consciousness]) of life as the “I” pervading the normal consciousness even after meditation has ceased.”[iii]


[i]Chitshakti: Roughly translates as ‘conscious, self-aware pulsating energy’.

[ii]Spanda Karikas: The Divine Creative Pulsation by Jaideva Singh. © 1980 Motilal Banarsidass, Delhi. Pg. 70

[iii]Spanda Karikas: The Divine Creative Pulsation by Jaideva Singh. © 1980 Motilal Banarsidass, Delhi. Pg. 68

The gift of Diksha

Sun, March 31, 2019  10:58 Pm

ZW1Bh-kGU4S85D4u5bcXn6QecLrLGakFdMsZH7HTSbk    As I sit reading Secret of The Siddhas by Swami Muktananda for only the second time in 39 years, I witness with interest the shift in my consciousness on the points Muktananda cites. Looking back, it is clear that when I first read, for example, Baba’s (our affectionate name for Muktananda) commentaries on the Shiva Sutras, it was then with pure intrigue and youthful, academic and spiritual aspirant interest. Now, I marvel as it has become a testament to all that I received and how much I’ve grown from having received Shaktipat Diksha from Baba 40 years ago.

I was driving home earlier this evening and I suddenly recalled the day when one of Baba’s secretaries had approached me in the ashram to relay, that, “Baba said you can take the intensive.” The intensive was the main weekend retreat program in which Baba administered the ancient Shaktipat Diksha initiation into the yoga of the Siddhas. It was the foundation of his entire mission, and was what he was instructed to bring to the west by his own guru, Bhagavan Nityananda.

I don’t know why I spontaneously remembered that day and moment, but my heart bloomed with fond emotion. You see, at that particular time, I saved every penny I had in order to just spend one month with Muktananda in his ashram in New York. At the close of my semester at art school that Spring, I set up a table and sold many of my most prized possessions to help finance the rent, and maybe have a few extra dollars. I recall that after paying the rent, I had earned an extra fifty dollars to last me the entire month.

The cost to attend an intensive then was something like $300.00. But it may have well as been $3000 for me, an 18 year old art student just getting my feet wet. I remember that day so well because I was so shocked and grateful that this great, world-renown guru of gurus had somehow known my name and my circumstance enough to invite me to a program I couldn’t otherwise afford. The intensive was scheduled on the weekend of my 19th birthday, so this was a double amazing surprise. Because even then I understood Diksha as the transmission of the Holy Spirit – the same technique administered by Jesus to his apostles on Holy Thursday – and in the Catholic canon in which I was raised, this was considered the baptism into spirit. Because I saw this as a rebirthday (and I was right  – it was) I approached Baba to ask for a Sanskrit name – a common, optional custom done by his students. It was then that Baba gave me the name Atri.

But today, while driving, while all those pleasant thoughts ran through my mind, from the deeper perspective wherein I find my perception manifesting, I saw simply that the timing was right. I was born when I was born at the right time, I was with Muktananda at the right time as part of my soul’s agreement prior to being incarnated as Tom, and the time had arrived for me to receive Shaktipat Diksha from Baba. It transcended money and financing it – it was planned in the script of my soul’s journey.

It’s interesting. I’m not sure what prompted me to have that awareness or that thought in that particular instance. But this evening, as I recall that moment to write, what is more overwhelmingly emotional for me is to recognize that the promise inherent in the transference of Shaktipat Diksha I can see is gradually unfolding within me. Everything Baba promised is happening. I don’t know how else to share this. Aspirants who celebrate the silent, private joyous revelations while traversing the spiritual path will understand what I mean. It’s like learning that you’ve passed the bar exam, or finding out that the lottery ticket you lost in a drawer six months before was the big winner. When you spend years of your life slowly chipping away at a regular or even semi-regular yoga practice, there is so much exhilaration when you recognize the fruits of your effort. It’s just simply so sweet.

There is a fine mesh that separates identification with the Self and that of the limited jiva awareness. Yoga practice is the repetitive untying of the small knots and snags in that mesh that temporarily keep us from full establishment in the Self. Shaktipat is like a darning needle or a kerner that aids with the removal and undoing of those knots. Though an enlightened master provides the tool, its we who need to do the unraveling. But after a length of time, we recognize that our net is almost completely untangled, and establishment in the Self – union with pure being – is very close. Closer than ever. So close, it’s visible. It can be sensed.

But to get to this point, it took a gift that was given to me 40 years ago on my 19th Birthday to provide the key to the ignition of this vehicle that has reliably escorted me on this path for so long. I’m just so, so grateful. To my Baba, I say: Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jaya!!

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